Too Much Spare Time

I am currently unemployed. The choice wasn't mine; my corporate masters decided for me. But it's OK. I hadn't actually taken a vacation of any note in more than two years. I was overdue for a break. And so far, I'm not unhappy. Of course I'm not being as productive as I would like to be, but to be honest, it's taken some time for me to get my head around this having nothing concrete to do everyday thing.

I imagine running a multi-national corporation isn't easy, and I know that my corporate masters had faced some pretty big hurdles. It really must be hard to maintain those multi-million dollar bonuses, and educational publishing in the U.S. has been slipping these past few years. Schools simply don't have the money to buy books. But let's face it. They never really have. How many of us had 20+ year-old books in school? So what if the Soviet Union and countries like Yugoslavia no longer exist? The books still give the proper shape of the European continent, right? Who cares where East Timor and South Sudan are anyway?

But to get back on track, I was laid off over the phone. This is proof about how morally bankrupt some people truly have become. I was called on my work-at-home day and told that after 16 years my services were no longer needed. Of course they wanted me to come in to finish up any outstanding tasks, to clean off my desk, and to turn in my laptop (I will miss my Mac Book). And though my last day on the books was a month away, I was at least given the flexibility to decide when I would be finished, done, and outta there. My treatment was decidedly more generous than other people received that same day.

I'm not actually complaining, even though it may sound like it. I had begun a job search on my own because it had become apparent to me that my corporate masters and I had different ideas about how editing and writing should be done. I personally favor a hands-on approach, whereas my former masters prefer to outsource the work. Administration and paper-pushing is not what I signed up for, hence my discontent.

So, here I am, cut adrift as it were. I am lucky enough to have a severance package that will keep me out of the unemployment office for a few months. I have spent a couple of days at the beach. I have gone camping. I have mostly spent my time decompressing. But I still wake up every morning by 6. I have yet to decide if that's good or bad. 

My Mighty and Faithful Steed!

It was four months ago today that I lost my conveyance. 

To my 2003 Buick Regal, you were a mighty and faithful steed. On the day I picked you up from the dealer I swore that I would never trade you in and that I would drive you until your gaskets leaked and I couldn't squeeze another mile out of you. You had well over 250,000 miles and I expected you to go at least another 100,000 more because GM instilled in you that kind of can-do spirit. 

But you sacrificed yourself so that I might live, and for that I will always be grateful.

No heartbreak for you!

I recently heard from two friends that they've decided that love and heart ache are not for them.


What does this mean, exactly? I'm not sure.

One is a youngish male from the UK. The other is a female from Texas, around about the same age as me. And no, I'm not giving my age.

It's none of my business why they both decided on their particular life courses. I didn't ask and they didn't actually offer. They both made their declarations not to fall in love and because I respect people's choices, I let it be. Still, I've been thinking about why someone, anyone, would decide to forgo romantic love.

They both have families who love them. And as just about everyone outside of the Huxtable family knows, there is even a certain amount of exposure and vulnerability to heartache when we love our family. I suppose it's easier to love them because of the familial connection...or harder not to love them for the same.

Maybe life would be easier without romantic love. Perhaps I would be move level-headed and make better choices.

Though I doubt it.

For those of us who are led by our hearts, I'm not convinced we can turn it on and off. As much as I would prefer to be ruled by logic at times, I know what is impossible for me.

Job Satisfaction

I've been thinking lately that job satisfaction us something I rarely experience. Most days I'm happy to still have a job in this economy, but that's as far as that goes. But once in a while something happens that is almost as satisfying as watching the asshole who just passed you on the right get stopped and ticketed.

I'm told that I should be satisfied on a number of levels because at least I have a job. At least the checks they send me get cashed. And on those basic levels I am happy. I can pay my bills and order Chinese food once in a while. But when did it become OK to be simply "satisfied" with the jobs we hold. When did mediocre become acceptable?

I've been looking for another job for quite some time now because though I like the sort of work I do, I am increasingly unhappy with how I'm expected to do it. I see friends and long-time co-workers get laid off and those of us who remain are supposed to just happily pic kip the slack. We're expected to do more with less and in less time. So, really, our corporate masters are the ones who set the bar low for us. They expect mediocre work for mediocre pay.

But the problem with looking for a job right now is that there is such glut of out-of-work college grads. My experience and salary range have made me unhirable. These younglings are so starved for work that they'll take anything for almost any salary. Why hire me when someone can hire three 20-something's for the same amount of money?

As dissatisfied as I am, I know that I'm good at what I do. Dare I say that there are even days when I kick ass? I doubt I could ever teach anyone to edit effectively. I don't understand how I do what I do half the time, but I just know when something is right. And this past year I worked on a project in which I came, I saw, and I kicked ass. My accomplishments won't get me a promotion or a raise. They might not even mean anything when layoffs come around again. But I'm happy knowing I can do my job blindfolded and in half the time it takes most of my co-workers. 

AND I get to work home.

What My Evil Twin Was Thinking

It wasn't the hooker-tight skirt or the tube top, both three sizes too small for you that I noticed first. Nor was it the recent post-pregnancy belly that hung like a fifth appendage that neither article of clothing could hide. And it wasn't the ankle-high Uggs you were wearing on this 80+ degree, humid day.

Nope, the first thing I noticed about your classy self as you were standing at the bus stop was the big wad of chew you spit into the street as I drove by.

Trash isn't limited to trailer parks in rural areas. We have them right here, too, in the over-populated Northeast. You find them everywhere, but you see them mostly in Wal*Mart and local convenience stores.

I wonder what you thought as you dressed yourself this morning. I bet you thought you looked good. Do you have anyone to tell you otherwise? What were you up to? Where were you going as you waited for the bus? You know what? I really don't care.  You simply offered me comic relief as I drove to my destination, with you mismatched ensemble clearly designed to titillate and draw attention.

You gave my mean, little mind something to distract me from the constant barrage of crap I have to deal with on a daily basis.

Parsnip Pancakes

While I would rather have my fingernails ripped out, one by one, than become vegan, I do appreciate the cuisine when it's done well and the dedication that vegans have to their chosen lifestyle. And these days I find myself looking more toward vegan and vegetarian recipes to add a larger variety of vegetables and healthy protein substitutes to my continually evolving diet.

Vegan with a Vengeance by Isa Chandra Moskowitz is on the top of my go-to list of cookbooks, especially when it comes to desserts that don't include dairy or eggs. But last night I wasn't looking for sweets. I wanted something crunchy and bad. What I really wanted was something that had been battered and deep-fried to within an inch of its life...but I settled instead on the Parsnip-Scallion Pancakes in Moskowitz's book. If you know how to fry something properly, and then drain it adequately, there is no need to feel dieter's guilt about eating it.

I don't believe these pancakes would work well if baked.

Moskowitz calls for 4 cups of shredded parsnips to be mixed with 1 cup of scallions, flour, canola oil, salt, pepper, and water. I cut out the oil, since I was going to be frying the pancakes. I just didn't want the extra oil in the batter. In this case, both the oil and water were there to act as a binding agent in place of eggs...and since I enjoy eating animal products, I had no problem substituting a couple of eggs. I could easily have added milk. And to my mixture, I added a couple of minced garlic cloves...because most things are better with garlic. It's a simple fact.

Shredding the parsnip was the biggest problem I faced. I bought a big one and my hand-held grater wasn't strong enough to handle it, which to me is more dense than a carrot. I had to bring out my stainless mandoline and hand guard or my fingers would have been shredded faster than the parsnip.

I also didn't make nice, neat little balls, as the recipe instructs you to do. I dropped the spiny looking mixture by the heaping tablespoon into the heated oil and I watched them bubble and fry until golden.

I served two pancakes up with a scoop of chicken salad I made out of a leftover roast from the day before. I mixed diced chicken with apples, celery, onion, curry powder, prepared mustard, and a dollop of mayo. I had a leafy, green salad on the side.

The sweet parsnip and the mild onion flavor of the scallions worked surprisingly well together.

Gym Drama

So, getting older means that things don't work as well as they once did. Anything I do to myself now will determine what, if anything, my doctor has to do to me in future decades. Goody for me.

I see my friends, co-workers, and acquaintances adopt new, different, and sometimes crazy habits in order to cheat time, age, gravity, whatever. (Vegan? Are you kidding me? I give you a month without bacon before you crack.) Some of these people are successful, and some just go to such extremes that all I can do is bite my tongue and wish them well on their journey, even if I believe that journey is doomed to failure. But hey, who am I to judge?

I just want to be healthy so that over the remaining four or five decades that I have left I stay as active as possible and my doctor has to do as few invasive and painful procedures as possible.

To this end, I have resolved to make it to the gym every single day and to avoid eating all things that a toddler would eat and enjoy. I can't remember the last time I tasted a slice of pizza. *sigh*

Have I been successful? Not completely, but you have to keep trying, right? Am I demoralized by my failures? Not at all. If I resolved to make it to the gym for a minimum of one hour per day, seven days per week and I only make it three or four days, I'm still doing better than I was a year ago when I was paying for the gym membership but not using it at all. I feel like less of a sucker when I get there...and once I'm there, I might as well stay an hour or longer.

I make a game of doing cardio, which is thankless, boring, and has seemingly little immediate reward. I know that it will save me when the zombie apocalypse comes, but being able to listen to loud, obnoxious music while watching the gym drama unfold in front of me is the best I can hope for at the moment.

I watch the muscle heads grunt, sweat, and worship themselves in the mirrors. I see the gym vixens who wear their underwear on the outside and I amuse myself by speculating whether their sports bras were more expensive than their matching sneakers. It's also a lot of fun to see them preen with the hope of catching a muscle head's attention, particularly when I already know the muscle head who's been targeted is more interested in his reps and audible grunting than in anyone else.

I like being the fly on the wall. I can assume that these two people are more interested in being admired for their respective physiques than in being able to engage in adult conversation. But I could be wrong. Perhaps they're both highly educated, as well as beautiful, and I'm just too old and bitter to accept that they have it all. Well, clearly not all, else they wouldn't be working out in a cut-rate gym in the middle of Bluecollarville, Bergen County, New Jersey.

But these are the thoughts that keep me amused while I spend 45 minutes on the stationary bike or the treadmill. If I wanted to watch television, I'd have stayed home on my couch. If I have to go to the gym (and, according to my doctor, I really have to), then I would much rather watch the human drama unfold in front of me with a soundtrack of old-school punk cranked up to 11 in my ears.