My kitchen crime scene

I like red things. I dye my hair, I wear red nail polish, I like red lipstick. And I love beet juice.

I don't like cooked beets. I like the raw, unadulterated stuff sliced, mashed, and squeezed until there is nothing left but the juice pouring out of the spout with the sawdust-like pulp coming out the other end of my juicer. It's even better when mixed with carrot juice and a tiny bit of squeezed lime, though the orange and green does dilute the beautiful red.

No matter what I do and how hard I try, the juice splatters everywhere. It looks like a crime scene - much worse than when I dye my hair. I should take comparison photos.

The white countertops and cutting boards I have don't help, of course.

I'm not complaining, though. I think part of the appeal is that beets leave a bloody mess. Is that morbid? Gross? I could try to buy golden beets, but that might ruin my fun. If I'm going to be healthy (or at least try to be), I see no reason why I shouldn't be a tiny bit juvenile.

I prefer my pistachios to be red, too.

Mosquitos and iced coffee

Somewhere between wicked thunderstorms and 90-degree temperatures, we managed to have a tiny slice of decent weather, so I decided to go for a short stroll. 


There is a small, municipal park near me. It's not the best-kept park on the planet, but it's good enough for some of us locals. And everything in life is better with a decent sound track, so I strapped on my old, trusty third generation iPod Shuffle, and off I went. 


I walked around the 1/4-mile track a few times, and decided to hit the shade for a bit before heading home. I found a relatively clean bench, sat down, and took out my Kindle. I'm about three-quarters of the way through The Hangman's Daughter by Oliver Pötzsch and I thought I might be able to knock the rest of it out before heading home. 


The park mosquitos had other plans for me. 


After about 15 minutes I was bitten up and itchy to the point of pain. Here I am an hour later and I just want to slice the skin off my calves just to make the itching stop. I won't do anything drastic, of course. 


So, while I sit here and ponder the destruction of all blood sucking creatures and the end to my personal, physical agony, I thought I nice, cold glass of iced coffee would make me feel a tiny bit better, at least for a little while. 


There was still roughly 12 ounces of coffee left in my French press from breakfast. I threw the whole carafe in the 'fridge before leaving the house before, so the now extremely strong coffee was also very cold. To a tall, iced tea glass I added enough ice to fill it halfway, a single packet of Truvia sweetener, coffee, and skim milk to make the whole thing nice and pale. One stir, and it was ready to drink. 


Now I want more.

Brioche and the advantages of working home

One of the advantages of working home is that I can get a lot of stuff done around the apartment while I work. I have fewer distractions here than I do in the office, so the time I spend throwing a load of laundry in to wash is still considerably less than the time I spend in the office fielding phone calls or attending meetings.

Today I decided to take advantage of my home work time to make some bread, something I haven't done in a number of months. The weather outside is gorgeous, so turning on the oven wasn't an offensive act today. Since it's just me and I am making a concerted effort to cut out "bad" carbs, a two-pound loaf of anything is just useless. If I make it, I will eat it, and how much bread can one person eat?

Ah, let me rephrase that: How much bread should one person eat?

That being said, quality is more important to me than quantity anyway. So the challenge was to figure out what would satisfy my taste for spongy goodness. What recipe can I easily cut down and what do ingredients do I actually have on hand to make?

Small Brioche Loaf (or enough for four, good size rolls)
2 large egg yolks plus enough lukewarm water to equal 2/3 cup
4 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 and 1/4 cups unbleached bread flour
2 teaspoons gluten
1 teaspoon salt
1 and 1/2 teaspoons dry yeast

Bring yolks to room temperature. Add lukewarm water to the yolks. Any hotter and the yolks will scramble and your yeast will die. Add the yeast and let sit for a few minutes.

Mix all other ingredients, including the butter. I did this by hand, but you can use a pastry blender or a hand mixer on low. The aim is to incorporate the butter, so it's really up to you. Then add the yolk/water/yeast mixture. Mix until blended and then begin to knead.

You may have to add some flour as you go. The dough starts out very moist and sticky, but after kneading it will become smooth and drier. If you need to add flour, add no more than a tablespoon at a time. I am also not going to give a time limit on kneading. It depends on you, the day of the week, the moisture in the air, which way the wind is blowing. All I can say, realizing how unhelpful it is, is that you'll know the dough is done.

I cut the dough into four, equal pieces because I decided I wanted rolls. I'm making my version of ICE's chicken burgers later, and found that brioche rolls really work with those burgers.

I rolled the rolled the dough into 8-inch long strips and just knotted them. I brushed them with an egg wash (a teaspoon or two of water beat with one egg), and baked them at 350F for approximately 15 to 20 minutes.

The smell is still lingering right now as the rolls continue to cool. Can't wait to try one later. I am looking forward to the eggy, buttery goodness.

Office Food Haikus

Yellow and so sweet

Banana with brown splotches

I should have brought two

Oh, wasabi peas!

Why do you make my tongue burn

And make my nose run?

Coffee with white cream

You smell like heaven to me

I must limit you

Leftover matzohs

Someone’s Passover discards

Still crunchy, not stale